Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Book Review: Dave Barry's Lessons from Lucy (2019)

I've been following Dave Barry since his nationally syndicated column in the Miami Herald as a teenager. (For those of you who don't want to research the timeline, that's about 20 years ago.) I wasn't expecting much from Barry's latest book--after all, it's marketed as "self-help," and Barry excels when he notices and mocks the ordinary. "Mocking" and "earnest self-help advice" don't mesh well, so I figured Barry was just cashing in on his name and reputation to pay for his daughter's college tuition. Boy, was I wrong. This book is one of Barry's best. 
First, if you are a dog lover, you have to get this book. Second, if you're not a dog lover, don't worry--Barry refers to Lucy after his usual storytelling, using her as a sort of canine muse. The book does get overly sentimental in places, but only three or four times total. (e.g., "Do not be afraid to say these words: I was wrong. I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I apologize.") 

More common are the following thoughts, such as when Barry participates in a corporate pro-diversity program: "Inside we were seething. We were ready to go out and join the [Ku Klux] Klan. Even the black employees." 

I'll end with one of Barry's best paragraphs: "So what I'm saying to you, especially if you're getting up in years, is: Don't settle for contentment. Don't just stand around grinning. Get out there. It's a wonderful world." 

© Matthew Mehdi Rafat (2019) 

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Book Recommendation: Hilarious Satire of Academia


March 25, 2017
Worldwide Intelligentsia
Wherever, Everywhere

Dear Readers:

I haven't laughed this hard since Me Talk Pretty One Day and David Lodge's similar novel, Changing Places. Jay is a beleaguered English professor who appears to spend most of his time writing letters of recommendation. His writing style is equal parts maudlin, passive-aggressive, and earnest. I needn't say more, I suspect.

An aside: I asked my law professor for a LOR over a month ago, and it took a month, two in-person visits, and about 10 emails to get it. Trying to make it easier for her, and with her agreement, I did it myself and drafted two noncontroversial paragraphs. It still took a month to get the letter. She actually expected an online form (would it cut off her sentences, like in the book?) and looked at me like I was crazy for questioning why it was taking more than 10 minutes to do a copy-and-paste job. Apparently, professors don't mail letters anymore--they have staff and a queue for this sort of thing. When people wonder why Americans voted for Trump, I tell them this story.

"With candor, regret, and a whiff of vengeance,"
Mateo

Update: the author is apparently both witty AND wise. How come female authors "do" male characters so well, but we men can't seem to reciprocate?


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

One of the Best SNL Skits Ever: Democratic Edition

Here's a bone to the Democrats--a fantastic 1998 skit that eviscerates the GOP:

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/98/98crepublicans.phtml [Season 24, Episode 3: Lucy Lawless]

Henry Hyde: Recently, the Republican Party has been accused of conducting a witch hunt aimed at overhrowing an elected President. Some even say we're in the midst of a coup d'etat. Well, I'm here to say, "You're damn right!" And, you know what, America - what the hell you gonna do about it? Okay? Most of you are too busy watching "Road Rules" and drinking Frappuccinos to go out and vote. We're gonna boot this hillbilly out! And then give tax breaks to the rich! So suck on that! Suck on it a real long time, then suck on it some more! Then keep sucking on it, and then suck a little bit more, and suck some more! And just keep sucking on it! Now, to further drive home how little respect I have for you as a nation, here's my good friend Sen. Jesse Helms.

Jesse Helms: Clinton raised the minimum wage, and I'm gonna cut it in half, mofos! [Will Ferrell as Henry Hyde claps ecstatically.] Everyone one o' ya gonna be workin' at Arby's for $2 an hour! And I'm-a gonna be gettin' off on it!

Republicans are your pals, they want a proud America, they don't want blacks anywhere! Oh.. oh.. I mean, no affirmative action, oh yeah.. Think of good things, America. Think of the TV show "Friends".. think of dancing babies.. fruit roll-ups.. that little kid from "Jerry Maguire".. Beanie Babies.. sharks fighting monkeys.. Ohhhh, you feel good? What's the point of votin'? Go to slee-eep.. slee-eep.

I tend to agree with the Democrats on social issues and with the GOP on economic issues. At the same time, my primary allegiance is to good and peaceful political opposition, because it promotes discussion and forces the other side to re-evaluate, explain, and/or strengthen its positions. Ridicule and satire are two effective forms of peaceful dissent. Just ask Jon Stewart and the Daily Show.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Funny Stuff My Family Sez

I come from a family of immigrants. Learning a new language is hard, but it creates some hilarious moments. On Facebook, I posted the following status update:

David Walker: "Even if they [interest rates] don’t go up, the single largest line item in the federal budget within 12 years will be interest on the federal debt -- larger than defense, larger than Medicare, larger than Social Security. And what do we get for that? Nothing."

Below it, I said, "This Halloween, I'm thinking about going as the federal debt."

A friend of mine, Ziem, responded, "Don't. You'll be gang-raped by people dressed as special interests."

I read his comment while my family and I were dining in a semi-formal restaurant with my 21 year-old cousin, my aunt, and my uncle, who were visiting from Iran. The following transcript doesn't do the scene justice, but it's the best I can do. I hope you'll be entertained as much as we were:

Me: [cracking up]

Everyone: "What's so funny?"

Me: "Um, how do I explain this? Well, let's see if he [pointing to my cousin] can understand this, because it's complicated, but at least we can test his English."

"Do you know what a budget is?

Cousin: "No."

[Parents explain what it is, he gets it]

Me: "What about a deficit?"

Cousin: "No."

[Parents explain what it is, he gets it]

Me: "Do you know what "special interests" are?"

Cousin: "No."

Dad: "We don't have those in the Iranian political process, so he won't know what that is." [Tries to explain "special interests" to my cousin]

Cousin: [smiles] "Ah, you mean like the mullahs?" [religious leaders]

Me: "Yes! Good job!" [I tell him about my status update and Halloween costume proposal]

"Do you get it?"

Cousin: "Yes."

Me: [I repeat Ziem's comment, but use "hit" instead of "g*ng r*pe."]

[Everyone laughs]

Me: "I told you 'hit,' but it's even funnier with the actual word my friend used."

Everyone: "What word did your friend use?"

Me: "Think of a word that's worse than 'hit.'"

Mom: Does it start with the letter, "f"?

Me: [caught off-guard, but manage to shake my head]

Dad: "Kill"?

Uncle: "I think I know what it is." [Turns out later that he didn't.]

Cousin: "What letter does it start with?"

Me: "Hmm, well it's two words. I don't think you'll get it, but I'll try anyway. It starts with an 'r.'"

Cousin: "R*pe?"

Me: "Yeah, but it's worse than that. Think multiple people."

Cousin: [confused] "What's the other letter?"

Me: "It starts with a 'g.'"

Cousin: "G*ngb*ng"?

Me and Dad: [start laughing hysterically]

Mom: [looks confused, turns to my cousin and asks] "What's a 'g*ngb*ng'?"

Cousin: [looks at me, starts cracking up]

Me: [I can't stop laughing and leave the table for the next 10 minutes. When I come back, no one mentions the conversation, but people are smiling.]

Friday, September 3, 2010

Funny: Chain Emails

The British seem preternaturally blessed with wit, and the following two email chains prove it:



Hilarious stuff, isn't it? I liked the first one more than the second one--the second one seemed more mean-spirited to me, even though I know it's all fake.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Finally, a Good Lawyer Joke

From the awesome show, Community, comparing being a doctor to being a lawyer:

Well, anybody could be a lawyer. You can even represent yourself. You can't do surgery on yourself. It's illegal. You'd get arrested. And then you'd get a free lawyer.

A great show, but Hulu only has two episodes posted. Bonus: Chevy Chase is fantastic on the show.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A Gentleman and a Scholar

I have not laughed so hard in so long. HERE's an article on dating an attorney. My favorite tip:

Don’t be surprised when your lawyer sweetheart nitpicks everything. When it happens, don’t accuse him of splitting hairs. That would be like accusing a dolphin of swimming. Instead, thank him for being both a gentleman and a scholar.

Hilarious, isn't it? And so true.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

O' Canada: a Cheat Sheet

Courtesy of the NYT and Bruce Headlam, HERE is a hilarious "cheat sheet" on Canada. Below is my favorite part:

Canada has two national symbols, the Maple Leaf, a symbol of nature and growth, and the Beaver, which represents industry and loyalty.

According to Roman legend, the beaver, when cornered, will chew off its testicles and offer them up to the attacker. Modern biologists have dismissed this as myth. Beaver will only chew off their testicles if you ask nicely. But that’s our point: you have to ask.

Like I said, it's hilarious.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Funny Blog

This is a hilarious fake advice column. Make sure you read the one about the coworker who is never satisfied with his food. (Search for "lunch date.") I almost died laughing.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Funny: Bernanke to the Rescue

In these volatile times, we gotta have some humor. Here's a funny Bernanke montage explaining the monetarian philosophy (i.e., when times are bad, the government should inject/drop money to stimulate the economy). Make sure the music is on--it's the music that makes everything so good:

http://moneyhelicopters.ytmnd.com/

Hat tip to Prof. Mankiw.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Funny: Reality of Elections

"Points in Case" has some hilarious articles. This one seems perfectly timed:

http://www.pointsincase.com/articles/we-drunk-chick-united-states-america

If the link doesn't work, google the author, "Eric Cheesic," and "We the Drunk Chick of the United States." This one's destined to become a classic. Here are some excerpts:

[N]either of these candidates cares about you and me. They really don't. It's just a big pissing match. The match isn't conservative verses liberal; it isn't even John McCain versus Barack Obama. It's Republicans versus Democrats—-McCain and Obama are just the PR firm picked to sell you the wares. They are a face and a name to be associated with the big political machine that is the United States of America...

So where does the American public come in?

Well, here's the deal: we, the people, are the drunk chick at the bar. We are expected to do very little. Our responsibilities are to:

  1. Obey all the rules posted above the door to the bathroom (The Constitution).
  2. Pay for the food and drinks we consume (taxes).
  3. Leave the bar when it's closing time (die).

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Cartoonist Clay Bennett

Other than Tom Toles, I haven't been enamored with any other cartoonists...until I saw Clay Bennett. His style reminds me of Wallace and Gromit with an understated political bent. Check him out:

http://www.claybennett.com/archives.html

http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/cartoons/

Here's one cartoon students will (unfortunately) identify with:

http://www.claybennett.com/pages2/debt.html

I particularly like this one:

http://www.claybennett.com/pages2/curb_appeal.html

Bonus for your funny bone:

http://www.thingsmyboyfriendsays.com/index.html

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Funny: How to Raise Snobs

This is a funny post by Nathan DeGraaf. Warning, not safe for work (NSFW) and contains coarse language. Also, do not read if you have no sense of humor.

http://www.pointsincase.com/blogs/nathan-degraaf/if-i-had-kid-i-would-raise-judgmental-snob

I love this paragraph on raising his kids to be part of the power elite:

When they reach their teens, then we'll start talking about the best ways to bribe elected officials and cops. But until then, they'll just have to learn to lie, cheat and steal. And if you don't think those are valuable American traits, well then explain our government. Hell, they stole 300 billion of your dollars to bail out their banking buddies and you didn't even flinch. If that's the way the game is to be played, I want my children on the winning side, the stealing side.

By comparison, Bear Stearns' bailout (30 billion or so) looks cheap compared to Fannie and Freddie.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Funny: Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford

Steve Martin and the best SNL financial skit of all time--If You Can't Afford It, Don't Buy It!

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/05/05lbuy.phtml

Simple and brilliant financial advice. Just goes to confirm that the new millennium is the age of the comic.