A Gentleman and a Scholar

I have not laughed so hard in so long. HERE's an article on dating an attorney. My favorite tip:

Don’t be surprised when your lawyer sweetheart nitpicks everything. When it happens, don’t accuse him of splitting hairs. That would be like accusing a dolphin of swimming. Instead, thank him for being both a gentleman and a scholar.

Hilarious, isn't it? And so true.

Amity Shlaes on Government Employment

From Bloomberg's Amity Shlaes (2/17/10):

From January 2000 to January 2010 -- first under President George W. Bush after Sept. 11, then under Barack Obama -- the number of non-postal employees in the federal government grew 15 percent, to 2.18 million from 1.89 million...[but] over the same period, private-sector employment decreased by 3 percent.

[When including local and state government employees] Federal data show that [over the last decade] the number of total government employees in the U.S. rose to 22.5 million from 20.6 million.

Jobs with Uncle Sam aren’t just more numerous than they used to be. They’re better. Wages and benefits for federal civilian workers were more than double the average total compensation in the private sector: $119,982 versus $59,909. In the treacherous period between December 2007 and mid-2009, the number of federal employees earning more than $100,000 doubled, rising to 66,500 or so.

See here for more. Personally, I'd love to be a federal government attorney. Right now, I regularly receive phone calls where the person calling has a good case based on the facts and the law, but his or her wage losses or damages are too low to file suit.

Many people don't realize that lawsuits are expensive. By the time you file a lawsuit, get the complaint served, file a few motions, and take a deposition, you're looking at about $2,000 in costs--none of which goes to the lawyer. Fast forward six months, and costs can increase to $6,000 easily. In one case I took to trial, the other side's costs exceeded $18,000.

If damages are low, I cannot ordinarily justify spending $5,000 of my own money for a potential $10,000 settlement--and so many hourly or part-time workers have cases where six months of severance would equal about $10,000. Sadly, it's not unreasonable to argue that poor people get run over twice--first, in their job environments, because poor people tend to take tougher or boring jobs, and second, in finding an attorney to negotiate a severance or to file suit.

In any case, if I worked for the federal government, I could, assuming the approval of my boss, assist anyone who had a good case. Why? The taxpayer would be footing the bill for my time, not the poor or middle class worker. Of course, I would hope the agency would keep costs as low as possible. One way to do that would be to reduce retiree benefits, such as pensions. If taxpayers are paying $80,000/yr to a retired cop or lawyer, that's $80,000 that's not being used to hire a new cop or lawyer. Plus, it's always been unclear to me why taxpayers should be paying money to someone who is not longer helping taxpayers.

These kinds of "golden parachutes" exist in the private sector, too. In fact, taxpayers could be liable for private pension obligations as well as government employees' pensions. As of 2008, the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation (PBGC) had a $10.8 billion deficit, estimated to rise to $26.3 billion in 2018; however, total underfunding of all private sector pension plans, on a termination basis, amounts to an astounding $225 billion. Clearly, we have a problem.

America's pension plans need reform. One simple reform would be to require that all new government workers have 401(k)s, not pensions. Such a move would immediately reform public sector pension plans and assist already stretched taxpayers, but it is highly unlikely. Public sector unions have so much clout, it seems they can force politicians to put government employees' interests ahead of taxpayers' interests. That's a shame, because Congress had no qualms about reforming private sector pension plans. According to CNN's Colin Barr, Congress has already enacted a law--the 2006 Pension Protection Act--to force corporations to fully fund their pensions by 2015. See here for more.

Despite the new law, cash-rich companies like Exxon Mobil Corporation (XOM) continue to have underfunded pensions. In Exxon's case, its pension is underfunded by about $6 billion. Shareholders should take notice--over the next five years, some companies may have to reduce their growth or take on more debt to fully fund their pensions.

More here, from Mark Scolforo. He points out that taxpayers are in the hole $1 trillion because of public sector retirement benefits, including pensions: "As of 2008, states had $2.4 trillion to meet $3.4 trillion in promised pension, health care and other post-retirement benefits."

O' Canada: a Cheat Sheet

Courtesy of the NYT and Bruce Headlam, HERE is a hilarious "cheat sheet" on Canada. Below is my favorite part:

Canada has two national symbols, the Maple Leaf, a symbol of nature and growth, and the Beaver, which represents industry and loyalty.

According to Roman legend, the beaver, when cornered, will chew off its testicles and offer them up to the attacker. Modern biologists have dismissed this as myth. Beaver will only chew off their testicles if you ask nicely. But that’s our point: you have to ask.

Like I said, it's hilarious.

Chuck Thompson on the NBA

An oldie but a goodie: HERE is Chuck Thompson's take on last year's NBA finals. Who is Chuck Thompson? For starters, he's written one of the funniest books I've ever read. See here for a book review of Smile When You're Lying.

Solutions

I saw an excellent comment from "milleniumfalcon" on the Motley Fool's website. The author's comment relates to our current economic crisis. The author promulgates several interesting ideas. For more, see below:

1. Create jobs. More jobs = more tax revenue. The question is how to create them. Well for one, how about truly funding and streamlining the SBA loan process, since small business creates most of the jobs.

2. Invest in new technology. Eventually (and we all know this) oil prices will rise to the point that using it is not economically viable. The time to start this process is now. Turn those old Saturn plants into wind turbine factories. Turn the closed Chrysler plants into solar panel R&D and manufacturing factories. Get into the business of partnering with business, much like large corporations do when they "incubate" a business before spinning it off. Not takeovers, but investments. Part of what an intelligent government does is invest in the items of the future that don't have an immediate payoff. (Like stem cell research, for example.)

3. Invest in education. I am a college professor. Let me tell you, I see the pablum that comes from our educational system and it is not pretty. MOST OF YOUR CHILDREN have pathetic reading skills, sickening math skills, and the creative resources of your average fruit fly. They can't think outside the box, because they haven't learned a bloody thing INSIDE the box. Kill the U.S. Department of Education. Keep that money local, the way ti is supposed to be. Get rid of NCLB: teaching students to take a test is not actually teaching student. (Besides, this [law] has become a racket--states keep lowering standards so students can "pass." If we don't get back to basics, your kids will have exciting careers asking, "Would you like some vanilla in your latte?" (Okay...rant over.)

4. Level the taxes playing field. Under the current tax code, people who labor (you know, work for a living) have a higher tax rate than those who make most of their money through investments. Raise the rates and make them equitable. Let's go back to the 90's tax rates. [Note: I do not agree with going back to the 90's tax rates.] Let's get rid of the $90,000 "cap" on taxable salary for social security. [I do agree with raising the Social Security taxable income ceiling.]

5. Take the idea of a flat tax or a value-added tax (VAT) seriously. It works in other countries, so why not here? It solves a couple of problems. There's no use for an enormous IRS. There are fewer ways to cheat. Make exemptions for the necessities of life only: food, clothing, shelter.

6. Really reform healthcare. As it stands, 50% of healthcare costs are covered by the government, between the Feds and the States. What we need to do is cut the costs of healthcare before adding anyone else to the rolls. How do we do that? There must be downward pressure. Repeal the part of the "drug bill" that does not allow Medicare and Medicaid to negotiate lower prices. Allow the importation of cheaper drugs from countries with good regulatory systems (Canada, Germany, etc.) Allow competition across state lines. (Here in MO, one company has a lock on 87% of healthcare coverage.) Tort reform. And for God's sake, get the fat people on a diet. We lowered smoking rates in this country from 45% in the '60s to 21%. And most of that was done via peer and cultural pressure, not laws. If we can do that with smoking (an addictive habit--I know--I was one of them), why can't we do the same thing regarding the fat b*stards in our populace. Dropping weight = dropping costs. (I know this too, because I was 50 pounds overweight. I lost a lot of it and my blood pressure dropped, my cholesterol went down and I'm generally in better shape. All that and more with no drugs.)

6. Really dice up the defense budget. Bring our men and women in uniform home from Iraq. Seriously. Do we need more tanks? Really? Really? Must we have troops in Germany? Really and truly? Let's stop playing cop and let most of the rest of the world learn some responsibility. (And let the National Guard do its real job to boot. Helping people here after a disaster. We need no more Katrinas.)

7. Rebuild. New Orleans.

I'll shut up now.

I can't remember the last time I read a comment that made so much sense. By the way, when I visited New Orleans, the French Quarter is completely intact. When the author talks about rebuilding, he ought to mention roads, bridges, etc. Otherwise, however, many of his suggestions make sense.

Hank Paulson = Idiot or Just Stupid?

America's recovery plan: cause other countries to spend more and save less.

From former Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson: "[W]hen you look at it globally we have nations in Asia, China, Japan and others that don't have enough domestic consumption. They need to consume more and...save less. And...the only way [is] with direct, very forceful dialogue between nations."

So the plan is to put other countries' citizens in debt? With "dialogue"?

Just when I was starting to get over George Bush II, something like this comes up.

New Interview with Bill Watterson

HERE is the (unfortunately short) interview with Bill Watterson, who created my favorite comic strip, Calvin and Hobbes:

By the end of 10 years, I'd said pretty much everything I had come there to say. It's always better to leave the party early. If I had rolled along with the strip's popularity and repeated myself for another five, 10 or 20 years, the people now "grieving" for "Calvin and Hobbes" would be wishing me dead and cursing newspapers for running tedious, ancient strips like mine instead of acquiring fresher, livelier talent. And I'd be agreeing with them. I think some of the reason "Calvin and Hobbes" still finds an audience today is because I chose not to run the wheels off it.

Also, the Post Office is releasing a Calvin and Hobbes stamp--I can't wait!

Bonus: as of 2010, Watterson lives in Cleveland. I wonder if he's a LeBron James fan. Actually, Watterson attended Kenyon College in Gambier, OH, and he's been in Ohio ever since.

Here's one interesting fact: Watterson designed grocery advertisements for four years prior to creating Calvin and Hobbes.

And for the self-employed out there: "It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves." (1990 graduation speech at Kenyon College) I guess the days are just packed, huh? :-)