Istanbul: Best in Class Tourism

I'm in Istanbul, Turkey, one of the most visited cities in the world. It's easy to see why tourists love Istanbul. It has an inexpensive subway and fast-moving bus system; wonderful cafes; incredible pastries and food; let's repeat this again--wonderful food, especially puddings and sweets; and a blend of religious sites not available elsewhere because few other cities have experienced so many conflicts while also having rulers who chose to preserve rather than destroy. 

Lots of different bread options. I call the one in the background "puffy naan." 

Have your pastries with a drink called "sahlep"
or some tea/çay, pronounced "chai."

Great-tasting chocolate, 
esp the bittersweet or pistachio-infused pieces. 

Sweet shoppes are everywhere. 
I can see why C.S. Lewis's nephews & nieces loved Turkish Delight so much. 

Istanbul is the kind of city where you'll see a nondescript, empty restaurant, walk in, eat something you've never had before, love it, and order three more. 

Was it carrot pie covered in syrup? No idea. It was awesome.
(Update: I think it was pumpkin.) 

Don't know what was in this spread, but I ordered three.  
It had a pleasing pepper kick. Only 3 TL each. 

Here's a basic rundown of how to approach Istanbul. Think of it as divided in two sides by a body of water called the Golden Horn, with one side called Europe and the other side called Asia. (Although I didn't hear anyone actually use those specific terms, apparently the European side is more developed than the Asian side.) 

Starting on the upper left of your visual map and working your way down, you'll see Chora Church, Suleiman Mosque, Grand Bazaar, Turkish & Islamic Arts Museum, and the Blue Mosque and Hagia Sophia. On the right side, you'll start at the top again with Taksim Square, Galata Tower, Dolmabahce Palace, and Topkapi Palace (Topkapi Palace Museum is a must-see). You can see these sites in three to five days. 

Some tourist books include the Basilica Cistern and Maiden Tower (at the Bosphorus Strait) as major attractions, but I didn't like the Basilica Cistern--it's just a small underground cave with a few pillars where water used to be stored--and I didn't bother visiting the Maiden or Maiden's Tower. Some tourists may enjoy the Istanbul Archeological Museum, but I skipped that one, too. (Another site list is linked here, from Lonely Planet.) 

The quickly-expiring museum pass is in vogue. I hate it.
Why pressure guests by allowing only a few days to see your best sites rather than a more reasonable two weeks?
Also, stop charging for "special exhibitions." If I buy a ticket, I should be able to see your entire museum. Ok, rant over.

Let's straighten out some names first. Many sites use English and Turkish names that aren't intuitive, and like "Firenze Santa Maria," it's not always easy to realize you're looking at Florence.

Within the Sultanahmet area, which includes a Sultanahmet tram stop, is the Hagia Sophia, a former church, also known as Ayasofya Müzesi. 

Right across from the Hagia Sophia (not Haga Sophia, as it's often misspelled) is the Blue Mosque aka Sultan Ahmed Mosque, built by Muslim Ottomans after conquering Constantinople and re-naming it Istanbul. The reason it's called the Blue Mosque is because of its blue tiles, but don't look around for a brightly-colored blue dome, because you won't see it (though I thought I saw a subtle blue light around the mosque at night). 

Depending on whom you ask, the Blue Mosque is the largest mosque in Istanbul, but others say the Süleymaniye Mosque aka the Suleiman Mosque (named after Suleiman the Magnificent) deserves the honor. 

Suleiman Mosque

Around the Suleymaniye Mosque are also two tombs with beautiful wall tiles. Personally, I thought the Suleymaniye Mosque was the most interesting mosque. I was able to see all three Abrahamic religions represented within it, though I still have unanswered questions about the specific items in the dome itself, which appear to be amber, flowers, and a plump version of the fleur-de-lis, which may be Turkey's native tulip. (By the way, if you see an aerial photo of a mosque, cover the minarets with your hands. What do you see? I see a Byzantine church design, indicating the Ottomans preserved most existing religious sites.)

Other than the mosques (aka camii) mentioned above, I particularly enjoyed seeing Mihrimah Sultan Mosque; Kalenderhane Mosque; and especially the Emniyet Evler Mosque 1970 (Emniyetevleri Mahallesi, Akarsu Cd., 34413); Laleli Mosque (located at Kemal Pasa Mahallesi, Ordu Cd., 34134); and the Pertevniyal Valide Sultan Mosque. 

Pertevniyal Valide Sultan Mosque

Chora Church is also known as Kariye Muzesi. As of October 2017, it's under major reconstruction, so if you are a devout or Orthodox Christian (am I being redundant?), check its status before visiting Istanbul. For now, you'll be able to see only a few interesting and unique mosaics and frescoes. You'll notice several depictions of people holding three fingers, apparently to represent the Trinity; however, I saw some artistic renditions with just two fingers, not just in this church but other places, and no one could explain why only two fingers are being shown. One person suggested the two fingers represent Jesus's mother and father, but other Orthodox artwork highlights only Mary and John the Baptist, with "papa" Joseph nowhere to be found. 

Giving you the fingers?

Before you visit, download the app Trafi, which lists subway and other public transportation times and stops. Its GPS programming is a work in progress--a near but incorrect metro stop was chosen as closest to me--but it's still useful for orientating yourself with various metro names. I could not clearly understand the labyrinth ways to get around--there are trams, transfer tunnels, buses, and subways--but luckily, Istanbul is eminently walkable, taxis are everywhere, and Uber, BiTaksi (an app that calls a taxi to your location), and Careem are allowed. 

Definitely get a subway or Metro card, which can also be used on buses (but not the short ones, which look like shuttles and accept only cash). When first using the old and confusing metro card machines, choose the third/last option on the menu, which represents a new Istanbul card. When re-loading, you just have to hold up the card to the card scanner/slot, deposit money, and confirm your selection on the screen after the machine accepts your bills. I put in 20 TL (Turkish lira) to start, but I should have put 50 TL to ease my mind about catching a subway or bus over a five day period. 

Metro Pass

Where should you stay? I like the Taksim, Beyoğlu, Beşiktaş, and Karaköy areas. Karaköy is the most touristy of the four, but some people might appreciate its convenient location. If you want to be around lots of good cafes and restaurants, definitely stay in Beşiktaş near Türkali Mahallesi. I would stay in either Taksim (touristy, but well-done and enjoyable) or Beşiktaş near Türkali Mahallesi (I'm writing this post there now, in a cafe called Baracca Coffee). No matter where you are, you'll probably be around 20 to 30 minutes away from wherever you want to go, assuming you're near a metro stop and don't mind walking. 

What to do, besides see the beautiful mosques and other popular sites? A uniquely Turkish experience is a hammam, where you pay to enter a central room and wash yourself with a bucket of water and soap bar, or pay a little more to have someone of the same gender wash and scrub you as you lie down. The traditional hammam experience begins when you go to a nondescript room, strip down to your underwear, wrap yourself in a towel, exit the small room, lock the door, take the key with you, and find your way to a large room. Inside the room, several faucets dispense warm water. You'll lie face down on a centrally-located marble-like slab, your forehead resting on a rectangular piece of plastic wrapped around a small towel.

Your masseur will fill a bucket with water, soap you up, and intermittently splash warm and increasingly warmer water on you to wash away the soapy film and bubbles. Then he'll use a scrubbing pad to get you really clean. At some point, you'll turn over, and he'll prop your leg on his knee and massage your leg muscles. More soap and water will be used, and when you're done, you'll get your towel and go outside, where another towel will be wrapped around your head while you wait to dry before going inside a small sauna room or your locked room or locker. (Don't forget your key!) Some people swear they've found religion during this experience, but I had a thinly-built masseur and might not have gotten the soapy thrashing others received. (I continue to prefer Chinese-style reflexology.) 

On my way to the main bathhouse room.
The dome in this one was exquisite and allowed sunlight in.

Istanbul's other unique features are 1) its youthful population, which seems to be out en masse every night, cigarettes and beer in hand, at the lively restaurant and cafe districts in Beşiktaş or Taksim; and 2) its rug-making exhibits, which tell stories of a once-popular trade that flourished in many cities outside of Istanbul, especially Konya. Many of Turkey's best rugs are featured in the Museum of Turkish and Islamic Arts (Turkve Islam Eserleri Muzesi), a must-visit. 

I haven't seen all the popular sites. The Jewish museum near Galata Tower was closed when I showed up, and I didn't make it in time to go inside the baroquely-designed Dolmabahce Palace, but I'll end with this: Istanbul is a city for the young, but it manages to tolerate the old. If you ask me, 'tis a fitting description for a city incorporating each century's madness and creativity into one splendid domed, cobblestoned, and tiled package. The most beautiful mosaic isn't on the walls of the Chora Church, not really--it's everywhere you look in Istanbul.

Bonus: I'd avoid Blue Istanbul Hotel Taksim (in Beyoglu). Worst hotel experience I've had so far in Turkey. Please do not confuse this hotel with the similarly-named but totally different Blue Istanbul Hotel in Sultanahmet.

Bonus: Use a VPN connected to a European server for your best bet in accessing websites that may be blocked in Turkey. 

Bonus: I visited the Jewish museum on another day. It was very informative and definitely worth a visit. 

Reporting from 2017's UNWTO Conference

Doha, Qatar is 2017’s host for the annual U.N. World Tourism Organization’s event. This year’s theme is “sustainable tourism.” Qatar seeks to attract tourists through its impressive pearl diving, oil drilling, and falcon raising heritage. 

Is that Wayne or Garth with his backstage pass? 

I’ve never attended a UNWTO event. The format is similar to most conferences—a keynote speaker, several other speakers, different panels, then dinner. The host country has an opportunity to advertise itself and demonstrate its capacity to entertain other countries and large organizations.

Main hall in Sheraton Grand Doha

Think of it as Middle Eastern hospitality on a large scale—one country invites a guest and proudly shows off its home, and the next year, it accepts a reciprocal invitation. The events work smoothly because each guest knows it will be a host one day, and each host wants to take advantage of its time to impress other guests.

Taleb Rifai, the current UNWTO Secretary General, was this year's keynote speaker. He’s an impressive orator, peppering his speech with the phrase, “My friends,” and speaking in such a way that you sincerely believe he is speaking directly to you, his dear friend.

The one and only Taleb Rifai

He praised Qatar for being the “most open country in the [Middle Eastern] region”—Qatar recently waived visas for many countries—and lauded tourism’s many economic benefits. Rifai’s most interesting comment related to “tourism phobia” in European cities like Barcelona and Venice. Despite local complaints about tourism, according to Rifai, just one hour outside these cities exist wineries and scenery more impressive than the city centers themselves, but no one visits and so they remain undiscovered. Thus, the future of sustainable tourism appears to involve greater diversity of locations and better marketing for undiscovered gems. All countries now recognize that only developing beachfront property isn’t a sustainable approach to attract tourism and investment long-term. Consequently, the UNWTO’s members plan to use tourism to develop smaller cities and to spread tourist dollars more equitably. The really difficult question, especially if you're wary of government interference in private markets, is this: if you're a developer or hotel management company, how does a country convince you to build in a smaller location, where the number of expected tourists are much smaller than in a city center? 

I asked how Qatar planned to attract tourists from all income levels, given its relatively expensive food and accommodation prices. My answer would have involved something about Doha’s world-class service and its excellent value for money when considering the level of accommodation and quality of sites, especially its museums. The gentleman answering my question referred to airline partnerships and making the cost of travel cheaper. (WOW airline, for example, offers cheap flights from major California cities to Iceland and is expanding its U.S. presence.)

I wasn't impressed with his unimaginative response. Countries in more expensive developed countries ought to subsidize accommodation for tourists younger than 27 years old as well as city-wide bus tours to encourage a wide variety of tourists. For example, Abu Dhabi’s bus tour was about 70 USD, so I skipped it, perhaps missing an attraction or two I could have recommended to my friends and readers—other potential tourists. The subsidies could be as simple as tax credits for hostels with the subsidy/credit required to go towards upgrading or maintaining specific items such as security, lockers, and/or beds. The hostel would be required to charge a lower rate in exchange for the subsidy but would still have to make a profit to stay in business, thereby encouraging excellent customer service. Who knows? Maybe a few young tourists will enjoy a destination so much, they will apply to local grad schools and pay non-resident tuition rates. My point? The benefits from exchanging ideas spontaneously and freely amongst curious people, especially young people, cannot be measured in dollars and cents, especially not short term. If free markets are concentrating CAPEX in ways that guarantee unwelcome saturation, it's time for everyone to sit down and think outside the box. 

In any case, other than Taleb Rifai, the highlights were listening to Qatar Airways’ CEO, Akbar Al Baker, on one of the panels (he’s very, very direct and has a wicked sense of humor); hearing a string quartet at the sponsored dinner; and holding a falcon carefully on my arm. I also enjoyed meeting Croatia’s State Secretary of Tourism, Frano Matusic. (Did you know Croatia derives 20% of its entire GDP from tourism?) 

CEO Akbar Al Baker

Much to my lament, I didn’t hear any cutting-edge ideas at the conference, perhaps due to the current Saudi-led and American-instigated blockade against Qatar. Dubai may be one of the world’s most traveled destinations, but to prevent tourism from becoming a “winner-take-all” game, the GCC should cooperate and market a multi-country tour. Individually, between Abu Dhabi, Oman, Brunei, and Qatar, only Oman currently has enough unique items to warrant an extended visit, and the battle to outdo each other in architectural wonders can only go so far.

Even Dubai has reason to be concerned. Most people will visit Dubai only once, and if its future requires unlimited funding for the latest new gadget or building design, its tourism strategy is not sustainable. Thus, a sustainable tourism future for all neighboring countries, not just GCC ones, will involve much greater cooperation on all levels—security, planning, trade, and visas. Such cooperation, if done properly, should lead to more individual freedom across borders, as local countries temporarily swap visiting police, academic, and military workers to increase cultural understanding and share more information, lowering overall security costs and preventing a divide-and-conquer strategy.

Indeed, as far as I know, no one wants to imitate Chinese-style “tourism,” where visitors are herded into buses like cattle, given strict time limits at each destination (which inevitably leads to accusations of bad behavior—you’d take all the shrimp at the buffet, too, if you were hungry and afraid the bus would leave without you), and shown the kind of tour only North Korean travel agencies would appreciate. The Chinese travel this way to maximize their safety, especially because of the language barrier outside China. Sadly, if this “controlled tourism” approach continues, China may not produce another Jack Ma (aka Ma Yun), who gained his English-speaking skills and maverick style by seeing the world, especially Australia, on his own. 

In its final evaluation, if tourism cooperation is done properly, the costs of technological innovations—such as biometric passports and eye-scanning airport machines—will be shared across neighboring governments and less money will eventually be spent on security, especially weapons purchases. As more discretionary rials are freed for other purposes, governments, citizens, and private companies will feel more comfortable opening long-term visas and cross-border investments directly to ordinary individuals--not just through corporations, universities, and institutions. 

The key is to balance security and privacy. Thus far, the pendulum has shifted so far towards security, there is no doubt Eisenhower’s famous warning has come true. The true test of sustainable tourism will be whether it reverses global spending trends post-9/11 and creates, as much as possible, a world where the Chinese feel safe traveling as individuals. After all, who wants a world without another Jack Ma?

© Matthew Mehdi Rafat (2017)

5 Nights in Oman

At first glance, Oman is the redheaded stepchild of the Middle East. It lacks magnificent tall buildings like Dubai's Burj Khalifa. It doesn't have a Ferrari World like Abu Dhabi. It's not calm and classy like Brunei, though local citizens will disagree and swear Omanis are the calmest people in the Middle East. (You'll hear the phrase, "We Omanis don't want trouble," a lot.) 

Setting aside its lowly position in the Middle East's totem pole, Oman is an undiscovered gem. As close visually to Disney's land of Aladdin as any other country I've seen, Oman has exquisite mountains, beaches, and sand, but also perfectly paved roads and highways. 

Qantab

Muscat, Oman is a port city, and like all port cities, has incredible diversity and excellent food. If you're vegetarian, try an Indian restaurant, but the highlight in any non-Indian restaurant will be the seafood. Many Omanis speak three languages--Arabic, Farsi, and English--and you'll hear many other languages because most people are temporary residents from Africa, Pakistan, the Philippines, Morocco, and India. Permanent residency is difficult to attain--buying expensive property is the easiest way to gain it if you're unable to renew work visas for 20 years--but that hasn't stopped millions of people from making Oman their home. 

Despite the lack of birthright citizenship, Oman contains all the colors you'd expect from a country situated between Africa and Asia. Indeed, it's impossible to determine whether someone is Omani or not Omani, a test of true diversity, i.e., a lack of segregation. The most beautiful mix, in case you're wondering, seems to be an Arab-African one. It wasn't unusual to see Arab women with much darker-skinned brown men. (Note to America: no one cares about race when segregation isn't practiced.) 

Best of all, the Omanis do their own work unless a specialized skill is needed. Unlike Abu Dhabi, where all taxi drivers are foreigners, Omanis drive and often own their own taxis. Uber or Careem does not exist in Oman, but metered and non-metered taxis are numerous. Rides from the airport to the city center should cost about 8 rials; within the city center, rides should cost around 2 to 5 rials, depending on your negotiation skills. Unfortunately, Oman lacks easy-to-use public transportation, meaning its taxi drivers have a virtual monopoly. I expected to get overcharged every time I hailed a taxi, and I considered it an unfortunate cost of being a non-Arabic speaking foreigner. Governments do not seem to realize that an honest, transparent taxi system requires competition from Uber, BiTaksi, Careem, Grab, etc.  It's as if they think tourists want to spend their vacations haggling over basic transportation. 

In any case, if the UAE is the Middle East's prep school graduate who drives a clean white Mercedes S-class, then Oman is its wayward brother who prefers leather jackets and a black, never-washed Ford Mustang. Don't get me wrong--you'll see plenty of expensive Mercedes and Lexuses in Oman (though, oddly enough, few BMWs), but the average Omani resident is perfectly fine with a used car. In short, status signaling doesn't exist in Oman's mainstream, whereas it seems to be the UAE's primary reason for existence. (If you ask me, too much money has led to complacency in the UAE, but that's a different topic.)

The Omanis embrace ostentatiousness only in their choice of headgear. Many Omanis wear ornate and colorful massars, which Americans would call turbans. They also wear kumas, which the Bruneians would call a songkok. In some cases, a massar is wrapped around a kuma, giving it a pleasantly plump look. 

A certain design may mean the wearer has been to Mecca/Hajj.

Despite the government's efforts to make Oman as posh as the UAE, Omanis ooze blue collar toughness. Step into the wrong building in a formal location, and an Omani--not a Nepalese or Bangladeshi, as it would be in the UAE--will shout at you as if you have violated the most sacred of tribal customs while simultaneously directing you impatiently to the correct entrance.

When I failed to observe proper mosque protocol regarding shoes--you're supposed to take them off before you enter, which I did, but I reflexively put them on when I was about to depart--an Omani ran up to me and heckled me. I heckled him right back and got the better of the exchange, to the point where he actually called the police (a sure sign you've lost an argument). Still, I have to hand it to him--even the shortest, fattest, and ugliest Omani I saw took an opportunity to assert his masculinity in a misguided way. A classier Farsi-speaking gentleman mediated the dispute, and I walked away, satisfied I'd provided my side of the story. (An old-fashioned Italian would have appreciated the animated exchange, including my possible use of the term, "bastard," and the Omani's attempt to rally the small crowd around him by falsely claiming I had called *all* Omanis bastards, not just him.)

In any case, let's talk tourism. 

Most visitors need a visa before entering Oman. You can apply online and as of September 2017, it will cost you 50 USD. Print a paper copy of the visa if you don't go through the newer airport scheduled to open January 2018. Currently, Muscat's only international airport lacks passport e-scanning machines. I showed immigration a photo of my e-visa on my mobile phone, but he was expecting a paper copy and called a supervisor before approving my entrance.

Whereas the UAE's mosques are gaudy and deliberately set up as tourist attractions, Oman's mosques are designed to be places for prayer. Outside of Iran, the most beautiful mosque I've seen so far Muscat's Sultan Qaboos Grand Mosque. Wear long pants, go before 11:00AM, and be sure to see inside the main prayer hall. 

Qaboos Grand Mosque

The Bowshar sand dunes (aka Bashar Dunes) are nearby Muscat's city center. It's a small dune, but still worth a visit if you want to drive an ATV and "dune bash." Tell the cab driver to take you to "rimal bosher" around 5 or 6pm--you'll see lots of ATVs available to rent. 

For great food, try Bait Al Luban or Turkish House Restaurant in Muscat. They're not very cheap, but they're not very expensive, either. Right outside Bait al Luban is the Corniche, a walkway located near the ocean.

Another mosque worth seeing, especially at night, is the Mohammed Al-Ameen mosque. (Note: I can't list all the interesting mosques here--rent a car if you want to see the major ones.)

The Muttrah Souk, a short walk from Bait Al Luban, is listed in every guide book, but it's just a couple of narrow streets with jewelry/gold shops. Skip it. (Also, do not confuse the Muttrah Souk with the Mutrah area or the Mutrah fort.)

There are two main museums: the National Museum of Oman and the Bait al Zubair museum. After the Qaboos Grand Mosque, the National Museum of Oman is the best tourist destination. 

I liked the Bait al Zubair museum, but I wouldn't be upset if I had missed it. Unless you're really into old stamps and old coins, you can skip Bait al Zubair. Ideally, however, you'd visit both museums, since they're near each other, and you'd go to Bait al Zubair first.

Coin gallery in Bait al Zubair museum

A palace is also close to the National Museum of Oman but two security gates block visitors from going near the actual building. It's still worth a quick look as you walk from Bait al Zubair to the National Museum of Oman. 

The Palace -- I zoomed in with my
mobile phone behind the 2nd gate

Outside the city center is the "Rustaq Loop," which includes the Rustaq fort, the Nakhal or Nakhl fort, Al-Hazm castle, and the Nakhal hot springs (aka A'Tawwarah hot springs). Although the term "Rustaq Loop" is mentioned in guide books, locals don't seem to know the term. If you want to hire a taxi driver, you need to mention the specific sites you want to see. From Muscat, you'd first visit Nakhal fort (about an hour away), Nakhal hot springs (ask the location of the hot springs after seeing the fort--it's a small area nearby, and locals bathe in the warm water), then Rustaq fort. Of the three, Rustaq fort, about an hour and half away from Nakhal fort, was the largest. I did not see Al-Hazm castle, which was another hour's drive from Rustaq fort.

Like its mosques, Oman has too many forts to list here, but the main ones would be Bahla, Mutrah, Rustaq, and Nizwa. Within or near Muscat itself, a local recommended the Al Jalali Fort and the Al Mirani fort, but I didn't have time to see them. (Quite frankly, the forts in Oman are nice, but after seeing much more magnificent ones in India, I wasn't impressed. The Agra Fort and Delhi's Red Fort remain my favorite forts.)

About four hours outside the city center is Ras Al Hadd, which has turtle watching. I didn't go, so I can't tell you anything about it. 

Oman may not have Ferrari World, but it does have a world-class opera house. If you're really into opera, check it out. (Why do I get the feeling Oman's government is listening to consultants who don't realize Oman is more interesting than overpriced Western Europe and the glitzy UAE precisely because it lacks things like an expensive opera house?) 

You may use UAE dirhams in Oman, but you'll lose a 4 to 5% premium. You'll get a 10 dirham to 1 rial rate when the actual rate would be 10 to 1.05. I didn't mind--I appreciated the convenience. After all, when businesses convert the dirhams to local currency, they'll presumably pay a commission. 

I hope I've covered most of what a casual tourist would need to know about Muscat, Oman. I did not see Salalah, Oman, another popular tourist destination. I was in Muscat for 5 nights, which was the right amount of time (especially if you, like me, need to rest after trying to run up a sand dune). 

If you have to choose between Oman and Abu Dhabi/UAE, definitely choose Oman. Its unspoiled elegance won't last forever, at least not if the tourism consultants get their way. Finally, don't forget: take your shoes off before you enter a mosque. If the shoe cubbyhole is inside the mosque, don't put on your shoes until you're outside. As the belligerent Omani man told me, "It's a holy place." He was right--but not just about the mosque. 

© Matthew Mehdi Rafat (2017) 

10 Reasons to Avoid Cuba (Part 1)

I just returned from three months living in Latin America, including Cuba. So many Spanish curse words to learn, so little time. Pinga. Maricon. Mierda. Puta. Best of all, if you want to double down, you just add a "re" to the beginning of a swear word, and you've got a new way to express yourself.  These words would come in handy in Havana... 

Cuba

Plaza de Revolucion

My first day, I walked past a building that looked like a kid's powder-blue castle. I entered and realized it was a police department. Seeing Fidel Castro's words on various plaques on the walls, I thought I'd take a picture and translate it later. Someone stopped me at and directed me to the front desk, about 30 feet away. I approached and asked if I could take a photo of the plaque. The uniformed woman said I couldn't.  Stunned at her lack of common sense, I walked backwards, sarcastically saying, "No es posible tomar una photo de palabras de Fidel Castro? En Cuba? Viva la revolucion!" 

My month-long experience in Havana did not get better from there. Before I explain exactly why and how Cuba relies on hype to boost its tourism numbers, I'll give you some tips if you--against all reason and decency--still want to visit.

The Good

You can see Havana in three days. Almost all the action is in or near Old Town, or Havana Vieja, and if you want to visit, stay there. An excellent tour bus costing 10 USD per person starts and ends at Plaza de Revolucion--you should take it as soon as possible to see where you'd like to go.

The usual list of places to see includes Capitolio (similar to America's Congress), Ernest Hemingway's house, Playas de Este (a beach), a tobacco factory or shop, Casa de la Musica, the Malecon, Bodeguita del Medio, Callejon de Hamel, Museo del Chocolate (a cafe), Hotel Nacional, Museum of Fine Arts (Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes de La Habana), and Fabrica de Arte (a hipster club).  Some people take bus tours via Cubatur or Havanatur to Trinidad, Varadero, Vinales, or Cienfuegos (known for fishing), but I only stayed in Havana.

My favorite spots were Museo del Chocolate, Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes, the beach (Playas de Este--wear sunscreen!), and Hotel Nacional (go inside and to the outdoor bar).  

by Mariano Rodriguez

Playas de Este

"Museum" of Chocolate

Cuba is unique because it lacks widespread WiFi (pronounced wee-fee in Cuba). To access WiFi, you must find hotspots throughout the city and input a number from a card.  You can buy a one-hour card from someone in the hotspot area for 3 USD.  If you're frugal like me, go directly to the local phone company's office (I went to the one on 17th and B), wait in line, show ID, and buy one for 1.50 USD. (Cuba's economy is so terrible, buying and re-selling anything to tourists is usually more attractive than working for the government.) 

Make sure the password isn't already scratched off, clear your browser's cache, and you'll get a pop-up ETECSA website prompting you for the two numbers you'll see on the card.  

Some other information:

1.  Cuba's national soda brand is Ciego Montero, and the cola flavor is better than Coke. As you might expect, it uses real sugar. If Cuba adds a small sticker on each can or bottle saying, "Made with Real Cuban Sugar" and exports it to the EU and China, it can watch the money roll in. Unfortunately, there's a U.S. naval blockade, and other countries aren't keen to let foreign companies compete with their own. 

The more you travel, the more you realize there's no such thing as "free trade." Every country protects its own farmers and agricultural sector, and the reason foreign-produced coffee is so widely available in North America is because its soil isn't ideal for growing coffee beans commercially.  In other words, there's no domestic coffee bean industry to protect, so America has few restrictions on foreign coffee beans. You still won't see many Juan Valdez or Cafe Britt cafes in North America, partly because of higher operating and legal compliance costs, which make it harder for countries with weaker currencies to open physical locations in the U.S. without preferences (such as lower tariffs and low insurance costs). Sadly, it's easier for developed countries to whine about trade deficits than actually create long-term incentives for truly effective international competition and cross-border investment. 

Cuba's best products -- not coming to a store near you

2.  When you go to any busy place, there will be a line.  Always ask, "Ultimo?" to determine whom you're behind, and when that person gets in line or moves forward, follow him or her. 

3.  Finally, download maps.me, a free VPN, and an offline Spanish-to-English dictionary on your cell phone before you visit.  Once you're in the country, some apps or webpages might not work, even if you have WiFi. I noticed one Google article on Cuba didn't load when I had WiFi. Next time I accessed WiFi, I tried again with the VPN and downloaded the article--which was not critical of Cuba--seamlessly. If something doesn't work in Cuba, don't automatically assume the government is blocking it--it's more likely Cuba doesn't have the necessary infrastructure to be compatible or to make it work.

The Bad and Ugly

I've visited about 40 countries, including impoverished ones like India, where I saw people living in shacks and sleeping on the ground a few meters from the Baby Taj, and people desperate enough to follow me for half a mile begging for money. I don't mind a lack of first-world amenities. I always try to live like the locals when I travel, partly because it's cheaper, but also because I don't see the point in traveling just to meet other tourists or see yet another beach. (Unless you're in Nice, France, where the beach has a stone surface, how much water and sand can you see in one lifetime?)  

I *uckin' hated Cuba.

1.  Cuba is like America, if the Least Business-Savvy Cotton Plantation Owners Had Won the Civil War

Cuba has all of modern America's worst traits--its jingoism, its excessive patriotism, its inability to handle criticism--and none of its best traits--entrepreneurship, technological infrastructure, and open media. After hearing me criticize Cuba, one waitress became upset and told me, "We have a saying in Cuba: 'If you don't love your country, it's like you don't love your mother.'" (I didn't ask if the phrase still applied if your mother was an abusive kleptocrat.)

Cuba was the penultimate country in the Western Hemisphere to ban slavery in 1886 (Brasil banned it in 1888, though it banned slave trading earlier). Cuba relies and relied so much on its tobacco, cocoa, and sugar industries--all linked to manual labor--it needed slaves to run its economy, just like Brasil. Today, in Cuba, a clear racial division exists between higher class jobs in medicine and academia and other jobs, even if the pay isn't vastly different.

I try to walk about 7 miles a day and take public transportation when abroad, so I notice patterns others might not see. When I passed by local hospitals or saw doctors in local restaurants getting lunch, almost every doctor had blue or green eyes and light skin. I met a black medical professor and raised my concerns with her. She agreed and said black professionals need to be twice as a good as non-black ones to be accepted in educated Cuban society. (Pop quiz: what other country does that remind you of?)

William Faulkner, on race relations generally and Emmett Till specifically

Property ownership is another way to gauge wealth. My Airbnb property owner had whiter skin than most Scandinavians. The government tries to provide housing for Cubans, but so many people have moved to Havana from smaller cities looking for tourism-related work, it could not keep up with demand. In Havana and elsewhere in Cuba, almost everyone lives in crowded conditions with family unless they have generous remittances or bought property a long time ago. 

Who rides the cramped buses in Havana? Besides me, almost all black-skinned persons, senior citizens, and almost no one with light eyes, indicating they need to commute to work much longer distances or can't afford taxis. Mind you, shared taxis for locals aren't very expensive--about 50 cents--but the bus is even cheaper at about 4 cents a ride. 

One doesn't need to be a keen observer to notice Cuba's oddities. A neighbor in my apartment complex enjoyed blasting music or the television at 12 in the morning. When I complained to my Airbnb landlord's assistant, she warned me against confronting him and pointed to her arm, saying, "Negro"--black.  Except for America, I've never been in a country where it was so openly acceptable to link a lack of manners to one's skin color. (My landlord eventually talked to him, and after some yelling, he stopped playing loud music at 11pm.)

Cuba taught me that it's possible to have racism without segregation. Like Brasil and Costa Rica, Cuba is racially diverse. I was born in the Middle East, and I can pass for a local in all three countries, but only in Cuba did I realize why Southern whites supported Jim Crow in America. If you had to deal with millions of poor people suddenly having the same rights as you, but without an education or way to succeed economically, would you take advantage of an opportunity to keep them away from your neighborhood, at least until they had similar education or financial support as you? 

Most Cubans have someone in Miami sending them money each month, but I wouldn't be surprised if most of the darker-skinned Cubans lack such connections because their families live or lived in more rural places where manual labor jobs would be more plentiful and news of refugee and exile programs more difficult to verify. In short, remittances from Miami probably favor educated and/or light-skinned Cubans. With private businesses finally being allowed, but banking loans unavailable to most people, Cuba might end up with major wealth disparities based on race--just like America.  (Some revolution, huh?)  

When you allow chattel slavery, it has long-term consequences. When looking for a place to live, if you can choose, pick a place that banned slavery or slave trading earlier rather than later, allowing more time for economic progress. Such a yardstick might not be useful in isolation, though. For example, Vermont partially banned slavery in 1777, but didn't need slaves to run the comparatively less labor-intensive business of dairy farming. Even today, Vermont is 95% white. 

Contrast Vermont's ban with Cuba's, and you'll see a potential source of Havana's odd culture. Spain banned slavery in 1811, including in colonies like Cuba; however, Cuba rejected the ban. In other words, given a choice, it intentionally decided not to take the more moral option.

Both America and Cuba have sold themselves a revolutionary vision that has no connection with what's actually happening on the ground. If America doesn't make a cultural u-turn, it may resemble Cuba in 200 years--glossy on the outside, rotten on the inside, bolstered by slick propaganda, and divided based on race and wealth.

2.  Smoking is Everywhere

Dunhill cigarettes cost 1.75 USD.  There is no sales tax.  I've never seen so many high school kids smoking in my life.  I even saw middle schoolers smoking. So much for Cuba's great educational system.  

To be fair, the elementary school kids I saw were well-behaved and played well together, and one Canadian-born father told me when the teachers tell the pre-schoolers to sleep, they all sleep without a fuss.

3.  Health Care is Free for Locals but is Decades Behind

I haven't gotten to Cuba's dual currency system, which incentivizes tourist theft, but let me tell you a story: when I needed Immodium, I asked a doctor, who said he needed to write me a prescription (probably for generic loperamide). He'd do it for free if he had a script, but he didn't have one, so he had to borrow one from a co-worker, and he needed 15 USD for it. Unfortunately for him, as he was saying this, he opened his wallet, which had a script. I didn't take him up on the offer. (In case it's not obvious, tourists do not receive free healthcare, and I'm not sure if Cuba still requires incoming airlines to add and collect a small healthcare fee on its behalf.) 

Why did I need a prescription for anti-diarrhea medicine? Because Cuba regulates and controls everything. When I got sick in the Philippines or Thailand, I could go anywhere and get medicines that would require a prescription in the U.S.  (I still remember floating in the air and giggling after taking muscle relaxants in Bangkok that were suggested to help me recover from diarrhea and exhaustion.) Pharmacies, when you can find them, only seem to have Vitamin B and C available, though I did see a Cuban-made anti-cholesterol medicine in one of Old Havana's pharmacies. I couldn't find ibuprofen or antibiotic cream in any pharmacy.

The lack of selection isn't limited to OTC drugs. I've been hearing-impaired since birth and have been lucky to see firsthand technological improvements in hearing aids over three decades. In Cuba, I saw a few people wearing hearing aids. They were the same ones I wore about 20 years ago. 

Don't believe the hype--Cuba lacks technology, including in medicine, though basic care is quite good. The people most fervent about Cuban healthcare are younger Cubans, who have only experienced rudimentary functions like annual checkups or vaccinations. Many people will tell you about someone with cancer who was cured after receiving free treatment, but upon delicate cross-examination, will disclose they don't actually know the person who received cancer treatment; in other words, it's hearsay and unreliable. It's true foreign medical students study in Cuba, but if you look closely at the flag on their sleeves above the Cuban flag, it's almost always an African country even poorer than Cuba. 

4.  Everyone Will Try to Rip You Off if You Don't Speak Spanish or Look Cuban

I expect a certain level of mendacity when I travel to poorer countries, but in Cuba, it's practically a national pastime. 

Cubans are poor, and main sources of wealth include tourism jobs, Miami remittances, or smuggled items (I met a Floridan in the airport who brought 5,000 USD cash to his relatives--he told me Cuba has been going downhill for a while). Because private businesses are new concepts to many Cubans, they haven't learned that creating good relationships can lead to higher income or repeat business. Like some American businesses, they tend to see everything in the short-term--a one-off opportunity to extract as much money from you as possible--a mindset encouraged by most tourists' decisions to stay only three or four days in Cuba. 

It's hard to hold a grudge, though. Doctors, like most government employees, make the equivalent of about 25 USD a month in Cuba, not including bonuses. As I explained above, they will rip you off just like almost everyone else in Cuba if given a chance.

Many restaurants and food stalls "forgot" to give me proper change or substituted the wrong currency. Even a fancy restaurant in Old Havana, when given a 100 CUC bill for a 20 CUC charge, gave me back 60 CUC. (That reminds me--when exchanging currency, get 10 CUC bills--anything larger will be difficult to break. Also, there's a 10% fee for changing U.S. dollars but not any other country's currency. Bring Euros, pounds, or Canadian dollars to avoid the ripoff, er, fee.)

In case you don't know already, Cuba has two currencies. One is called CUP, or moneda nacional. The one used by most tourists is called CUC.  Technically, as a tourist, you're not supposed to have CUP, but you'll get some as change if you pay CUC to an honest street vendor or build a relationship with a local business and ask to do an exchange.

CUCs are equivalent to U.S. dollars, and it takes 24 or 25 CUP to equal a single CUC.  You'll be able to identify the difference after a day or two, but just remember: CUC bills do not have pictures of people on the front, and CUC coins are generally silver-colored, not gold-colored. (By the way, if you're American, you cannot use the ATM machines--sanctions inconvenience you, too--whatever cash you bring in, that's it.) 

Quick--which one's worth more? 

Sometimes, the dual currency system leads to genuine mistakes. For example, a taxi ride in an old American car within Havana is usually 5 CUC for a tourist, but only 40 to 60 cents for a local. (The yellow cabs charge 5 CUC for any number of people if empty, but the price will vary depending on your Spanish.) When I was with a Cuban friend for a day, he told me to keep my mouth shut in taxis so we wouldn't be charged the tourist rate. At the end of our tour, before we went separate ways, he negotiated a ride in a motorized "rickshaw" after confirming in English with me it would be 10 CUP. The driver, however, thought he was being helped by his Cuban colleague and would be paid 10 CUC (double the tourist rate!). At the end of the short trip, after some yelling and threats of physical violence, the driver and I both departed angry. 

Cuba's attitude seems to be, "If you get hustled, you deserved it."  There's no remorse whatsoever. Always remember: you are expected to negotiate in Cuba. Most prices should be cut in half unless you know the going rate. Go with a local Cuban everywhere if you can, and let him or her do the talking. Your experience will be much more pleasant. If renting from Airbnb, stay with a family and negotiate your meals being included. I stayed in an apartment solo, which was a mistake. Most Cuban residential buildings aren't set up to have privacy, so I gained little by having a place to myself.

I'll end Part 1 with a joke:

Q: How do you know when a Cuban is lying to you? 
A: His lips are moving.

I wish I was kidding. 

[To be continued...]